Mental Training

This past weekend I made some progress on the mental side of training. 

Here’s the thing: Fatigue makes me panic. 

The weekend before I completed my first brevet. Although I had ridden the distance before, this was my first ride as a registered member of RUSA. And it was a challenging one! 9,000ft of elevation! I did it, but the cost was missing the long run for that week. For two days, recovering was tricky since I felt nauseous and fatigued. I still managed to get in all the training runs during the week afterward, but I knew I was pushing it. 

Now about 6 weeks out from the marathon, training has picked up considerably. Not only is each workout longer and faster, the way each builds on one another has me more fatigued and questioning: can I do this? Will I be able to reach the target paces? Am I pushing myself too much and overtraining? 

I was buoyed by a successful tempo run on Friday. Running further and faster, I pushed. I opted for a route with rolling hills to add some variety. It wasn’t easy. Focus has been the key, and so I locked in on my posture and my breathing. It went well and although exhilarating initially, the effort did catch up with me. Focus- maintaining focus is hard. My mind wants to wander and when it does so, my body can lose sharpness. I’ve become fascinated by watching my pace pick up just by thinking about my posture. Stretch up tall. Quick feet. Breathe from my diaphragm. All of this takes concentration. I know I can strengthen my ability to focus as my training progresses.

So Saturday was going to be an “easy” bike ride. Something to get me outside, relaxed and happy before Sunday’s 18 mile long run- which would be the furthest I’ve run since 2021. A few miles into the ride I hit some hills that should have been easy. After all, I don’t think I’ve ever been fitter on a bike and have steadily eaten hills for breakfast for months. Ut oh. This isn’t going to be a total breeze of a bike ride. Suddenly, my mind has kicked into overdrive. I’m overtraining. I’m flat. I’m getting slower. I am going to ruin my long run. I shouldn’t feel this way. I don’t know what I’m doing and I am sabotaging myself. I had an urge to turn around and ride home. I’ve had panic attacks while exercising before. Typically, it is workout-ending. The anxiety is so uncomfortable. However, this time I tried something different. I allowed the uncertainty and trusted my body, specifically my endurance. So what if today will be slower? It doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be riding. Just keep it light and easy. I used the fatigue to help dictate my riding pace, and I didn’t worry about being more tired and slower on the hills. So what? I can still do them. It is still wonderful to be on my bike on this gorgeous fall day. Low and behold, I was able to get through my training panic. 

By Sunday I was feeling ready for the 18 mile long run. Initially, my gait seemed a little stiff, but that tends to happen, and is not a cause for concern. Once I warmed up, I felt terrific. I started to feel heaviness in my legs around mile 14. That’s okay too. It will hurt a little. In fact, this is what training is for- to learn to tolerate the pain and know I can keep going. My body can already run a marathon- I know this. It is my mind that must learn and trust that this is what I want from it. To keep going. 

Believe- I’m capable of everything I ask of my body at this point. Physically, I am strong and have a good base. The rest of it is just getting experience with the unknown. What I tell myself is what I’ll believe.